Friday, October 18, 2013

Amanpour Interviews Malala, "The Bravest Girl in the World"

Sixteen-year-old Malala Yousafzai just wanted to go to school.
But the Taliban warned her against it and, because she refused to be intimidated, shot her in the head and nearly killed her on her school bus.
Miraculously, Yousafzai survived the assassination attempt.
Now, she shares her message for girls education with the world in a town hall with CNN Chief International Correspondent Christiane Amanpour in New York City Thursday night.

“The thing is, they can kill me, they can only kill Malala. But it does not mean they can kill my cause as well. My cause of education, my cause of peace and my cause of human rights. My cause of equality will still be surviving. They cannot kill my cause,” she says.
“I think she's a prodigy,” Amanpour says. “Because she speaks like an adult, yet she does have that child-like nature of this optimism, this hope, this idealism."
The inspiring youth’s father, who was on stage with her last night, describes his daughter as having a defiance based on a refusal to live in slavery.
“He's one of her biggest champions,” Amanpour says.  “He was so besotted by his daughter. And he is a rare bird, too, a free and progressive thinker in a place where you wouldn't necessarily think that was the case. And he put all of that on his daughter.”
Despite what she has overcome, Yousafzai considers her survival a miracle and is determined to continue fighting for her cause, eventually as Prime Minister of her country. 
“Because through politics I can serve my whole country,” she says. “I can be the doctor of the whole country, and I can help children to get education, to go to school. I can improve the quality of education, and I can spend much of the money from the budget on education.”
“She’s really adored in her home country,” Amanpour says, “by a certain huge portion, but hated by another portion who are either jealous of her or the Taliban, who do not want to see a girl behaving like that and getting that kind of limelight or even going to school. And that's where her battle is and that’s where the battle for all Pakistani young girls right now in certain parts of the country still remains.”

By Cristina Maza  With the release of her biography, I Am Malala, the spotlight has once again been shone on Malala Yousafzai, the 16-year-old girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban for speaking in favor of educating young girls in Pakistan. To many, Malala is a hero. She has spoken on Western television in numerous interviews, leaving John Stewart at a loss for words as he gushed over her inspirational courage. She was even recently nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
But while Malala’s story is incredibly inspirational, there is also a darker side to her stardom. By heaping praise on Malala, Western audiences deny their governments’ role in Pakistan's struggle with the Taliban and promote a simplistic view of international conflicts.
It is no great secret that people like to break narratives up into easily digestible chunks, and Malala’s story is one that is easy for Western consumers to understand and relate to their own set of moral values. That is why it has been easy for Malala to be unwittingly transformed into a symbol for Western consumption and a tool for demarcating the symbolic line between the West and “the other.” The story begins with Malala’s father’s exceptionally progressive attitude towards educating women. This attitude helped Malala develop a deep passion for learning, equality, and justice at a very young age.
Malala's biography reads like the stories of many fictional heroines that young girls grow up with. Malala is intelligent and fiery with dreams of changing the world, but the book has the added benefit of being a true story that is easily interwoven with important global issues such as human rights, development, education, and peace. It is no wonder that people love Malala, and view her as a symbol of both everything that is both right and wrong with the world today. However, Malala's rise to fame has not solved Pakistan's many problems. Young girls in Pakistan are still fearful when they attend school, and their communities are plagued with the constant threat of Taliban violence and Western drones.
Malala’s message is an undeniably important one: that everyone has the right to an education. However, behind this simple and moving story is the more complicated relationship between Asia and the West, highlighted by the exceptional nature of Malala’s rise to fame. In early 2009, when Malala was only 11-years-old, she began writing a blog for the BBC about life under the Taliban. Once the Taliban discovered her identity, she and her father were added to the Taliban’s list of targets, and in October 2012 she was shot in the head while riding home on a school bus. Miraculously surviving the attack, she was rushed to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital inBirminghamEngland for intensive rehabilitation.
Following this incident, Gordon Brown, the United Nations Special Envoy for Global Education, launched a UN petition in her name, using the slogan "I am Malala"  (which is also the title of her biography), to demand that all children worldwide be in school by the end of 2015. The petition helped to ratify Pakistan's first Right to Education Bill, leading TIME magazine to feature Malala on its cover and as one of "The 100 Most Influential People in the World." She was later invited to speak at the UN to call for worldwide access to education. Her status as an international star was official and the world saw what one little girl can stand for if only given an outlet to express herself.
However, not everyone is impressed with the West’s idealization of Malala. This week, Storify collected Tweets discussing "Why Conspiracy Theories About Malala Go Viral."  The answer, unfortunately, is quite simple. It is the same reason that many Pakistanis are far less enthusiastic about Malala’s rise to fame than their Western counterparts. Observers view it as blatantly hypocritical when one person is idealized while so many others in similar situations are ignored. Other girls brutalized by the Taliban don’t get rushed to Western hospitals, and most of them do not survive an attack. Because Malala was hand selected by the BBC and given a mouthpiece in the Western media, she had a privileged position that allowed her to be rescued.
As one Twitter commentator stated, “If the international media thinks Malala is so adorable, why don’t they care about the innocents killed in drone attacks?” There is a prevailing sentiment that the Malala story is a convenient drama utilized by the West to demonstrate and criticize the barbarity of countries like Pakistan, while doing nothing to improve the situation. If anything, Western powers make the situation worse by dropping bombs on faceless victims who don’t receive the same attention or heroic status as Malala.
Absent from the West’s portrayal of Malala’s story is a critique of Western military operations in the region and their use a rallying cry to radicalize militants against the Pakistani government. Her story is far too easy for everyone to embrace without looking critically at the situation on the ground. However, in a recent meeting with Barack Obama, Malala herself informed the U.S. president that drone attacks are fueling terrorism.
If there is one thing that I am Malala should teach us, it is to look beyond Manichean narratives of good and evil. It is important to applaud Malala for the awareness she has built around important issues like education for young women,, but unless we also look critically at the role of Western policies in the region, Malala's story only helps to alienate foreign nations and separate the West even further from its perceived “other.”



Mary Pat Christie announces partnership to help fund domestic violence programs

By Megan Goldschmidt, The Trentonian
HAZLET — Last week, the First Lady of New Jersey helped announce a new partnership to address domestic violence.
With October being Domestic Violence Awareness month, Mary Pat Christie joined officials from Verizon, the New Jersey Department of Children and Families (DCF) and the New Jersey Coalition for Battered Women (NJCBW) at 180 Turning Lives Around in Hazlet. The partnership seeks to increase public awareness of domestic violence programs and services, especially among those most affected by Superstorm Sandy, according to a release sent out Thursday.
“Domestic violence affects one in four women in their lifetime,” said Christie. “Don’t let a member of our community become another statistic. I commend these organizations for spotlighting this difficult issue and offering victims, survivors and families affected by domestic abuse the support necessary to heal and recover.”
The partnership’s efforts are being funded through a $30,000 Verizon Foundation grant and a $20,000 Verizon Wireless Hopeline grant. The NJCBW’S plans include, improving its website, developing domestic violence awareness and prevention brochures, and producing a video public service announcement featuring the First Lady promoting New Jersey’s domestic violence services for victims, survivors and their families.
NJCBW is a statewide association that provides leadership, support and resources on the prevention of violence against women in New Jersey.
Verizon has a long history of supporting domestic violence abuse victims. Since 2000, Verizon and the Verizon Foundation have provided more than $65 million in grants to domestic violence prevention organizations and shelters across the county. Through its HopeLine initiative, Verizon Wireless puts the company’s technology to work in the community by turning no-longer-used wireless phones and accessories into support for domestic violence victims and survivors.
“Superstorm Sandy sadly brought physical and emotional damage to many New Jersey families, and Verizon continues to work every day to support their long road to recovery. Thanks to the generosity of our customers who recycle their old cell phones through our Hopeline program and our Verizon Foundation, we are able to help non-profit organizations like 180 Turning Lives Around so they can continue to provide the critical services that many domestic violence survivors need in order to move forward from an unhealthy relationship,” said Pat Devlin, president of Verizon Wireless’ New York Metro region, in the release.
Allison Blake, the DCF Commissioner, said that families affected by natural disasters face enormous stress that can outstretch their ability to cope. According to her previous knowledge of natural disasters,a product of that stress can be the increase of domestic violence.
“Hurricane Sandy unleashed devastation in our community that runs deeper than the obvious physical damage that the storm created. Depression, anxiety, violence and abuse have increased as the months have passed and families struggle to deal with the after-effects of the storm. We are so grateful to partner with the Hurricane Sandy Relief Fund, the Verizon Foundation/ Verizon Wireless and the State’s Department of Children and Family Services to address the increased needs of domestic violence victims, many who were affected by Sandy,” said Anna Diaz-White, executive director of 180 Turning Lives Around, Inc.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Baltimore Student focused on "paying it forward".

Study: Dating Violence Is Common Among Young Americans

Though many teens say they have been victimized, almost an equal amount admit to committing dating violence

Nearly a third of teens report having experienced dating violence, according to a new report.
Nearly a third of teens report having experienced dating violence, according to a new report.

About a third of American youths say they have been victims of dating violence,
either physically, sexually or psychologically. But nearly the same amount also said they have been on the offending end, according to new research presented at the American Psychological Association's annual convention on Wednesday.
Researchers surveyed more than 1,000 individuals between the ages of 14 and 20 and found an overlap between reports of victimization a
nd perpetration. Of the girls surveyed, 41 percent said they had been victims of dating violence, but 35 percent said they had committed dating violence at some point. The divide was slightly greater for boys, with 37 percent saying they had been victims of dating violence and 29 percent saying they had been the perpetrator.


Overall, 24 percent of girls and boys reported being both on the receiving and offending ends in either the same or different relationships.


"These rates of adolescent dating violence are alarming and suggest that dating violence is simply too common among our youth," said researcher Michele Ybarra, of the Center for Innovative Public Health Research, in a statement.Researchers found that girls were far more likely than boys to report being victims of sexual dating violence, as well as committing physical dating violence. On the other hand, boys more often said they had committed sexual dating violence. Though the rates overall typically increased with age, the findings were consistent across race, ethnicity and income levels.


Ybarra said in the statement that the overlap between victimization and perpetration should play a role in developing prevention programs and that those constructing the programs should not "assume there are distinct victims and perpetrators.""We need to think about the dynamics within relationships that may result in someone both perpetrating and being victimized by their partner; as well as the extent to which dating abuse may follow a teen from one relationship to another," Ybarra said.Low and Espelage studied 625 youths who took surveys six times, duringthe course of five years from middle school through high school. They found that those who reported higher levels of bullying in the earlier surveys were seven times more likely to report being physically violent in relationships at the conclusion of the study.
"These findings indicate that bully prevention needs to start early in order to prevent the transmission of violence in dating relationships," Espelage said in a statement.


In a separate presentation of new research, Sabina Low of Arizona State University and Dorothy Espelage of the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign described research that shows bullying at a younger age can increase dating violence among young Americans in later years.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

In Honor of Senator Frank Lautenberg

Senator Lautenberg was a long time champion for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. For over two decades, the senator supported the passage and reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. The Senator achieved many victories for victims, the most notable of which was the legislation he authored that keeps guns out of the hands of convicted abusers, which is now known as the Lautenberg Amendment.
The "Lautenberg Amendment" added the provision that makes it unlawful for "any person...who has been convicted of a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence" to ship, transport, possess or receive firearms or ammunition in or affecting commerce. Prior to the Lautenberg Amendment, only those convicted of felonies could be prohibited from gun ownership and possession. That left a tragic opportunity for domestic violence offenders to access weapons and use them against their intimate partners. By the end of 2006, the Lautenberg amendment resulted in over 150,000 denials of attempted gun purchases.
We honor the memory of Senator Frank Lautenberg as a great champion of victims' rights and protections.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Girl Rising *Premiere*

National Girls School of Jacmel, GIna Nemirofsky; girls; uniform. Photo provided by 10x10 Educate Girls, Change the World, © 2011

National Girls School of Jacmel, GIna Nemirofsky. Photo provided by 10×10 Educate Girls, Change the World, © 2011
Saturday 22 June at 2000 BST / 2100 CET
Sunday 23 June at 0200 BST / 0300 CET and 1400 BST / 1500 CET
Duration: 2 hours
In June CNN International premieres the critically-acclaimed film, ‘Girl Rising’. 
‘Girl Rising’, filmed before the well-known girls’ education campaigner Malala Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban on her way home from school in Pakistan’s Swat Valley, follows several girls across the globe as they pursue an education. Like Malala, these girls – who come from Afghanistan, Egypt, Ethiopia, Haiti, Nepal, Peru and Sierra Leone – fight to overcome impossible odds to realise their dreams.  
Directed by Academy Award nominee Richard E. Robbins, the two-hour film features voice performances by Academy Award winners Cate Blanchett (Haiti), Anne Hathaway (Afghanistan) and Meryl Streep (Ethiopia), in addition to Salma Hayek (Peru), Chloë Moretz (Egypt), Selena Gomez (Sierra Leone) and Kerry Washington (Nepal).  
"This film gives visual corroboration to knowledge we already have: Educating women and girls has the most optimistic, positive effects on families, communities, and economies worldwide. If to see it is to know it, this film delivers hope; reasonable, measurable, tangible hope that the world can be healed and helped to a better future!"  – Meryl Streep  
“Many women around the world continue to struggle for equality in education. I hopeGirl Rising raises the visibility on a global level for this fundamental issue.” -Salma Hayek 
“I not only believe in a girl’s right to an education, but I believe in the power of storytelling through film. I’m proud to be a part of Girl Rising.” – Cate Blanchett 
Over the coming months, and leading up to the United Nations-declared International Day of the Girl, on 11 October,  CNN International continues its focus on empowering girls with the launch of a distinctive new series, ‘A Girl’s World’, chronicling the lives of seven girls in seven countries.  
@10x10act
www.CNN.com/girlrising
#girlrising

Friday, June 7, 2013

GIRL Rising - Sunday June 16 at 9pm ET on CNN

Girl Rising

Girl Rising journeys around the globe to witness the strength of the human spirit and the power of education to change a girl - and the world. Meryl Streep, Anne Hathaway, Cate Blanchett, Selena Gomez and other acclaimed actors contribute voice performances to the film, which features original music from Academy Award winner Rachel Portman and Grammy Award winner Lorne Balfe. 

One Girl with Courage = A Revolution 

Improving Gender Portrayals in Children's Media

The Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media is the only research-based organization working within the media and entertainment industry to engage, educate, and influence the need for gender balance, reducing stereotyping and creating a wide variety of female characters for entertainment targeting children 11 and under. 

Around the globe, women are less likely than men to have access to technology. This is a gap that exists in developing and developed countries alike. With an aim to address this issue and propose ways to empower young women, ECOSOC and ITU hosted a Google+ Hangout on 6 June featuring Academy Award winning Actor and ITU Special Envoy for Women and Girls in ICT, Ms. Geena Davis.

This year, the United Nations Economic and Social Council (ECOSOC) is putting a spotlight on “Science, technology and innovation, and the potential of culture, for promoting sustainable development and achieving the MDGs”, as part of its Annual Ministerial Review (AMR) taking place during the Council’s annual meeting in Geneva this July.

Ahead of this major event, the Council is making every effort to bring the voices of youth into the important discussions and decisions to take place in Geneva, through its major online campaign “Innovate Your Future”, featured on Facebook, Twitter and Thunderclap. The campaign seeks worldwide support to help empower youth and shape future innovators.

Moderated by Gary Fowlie, Head of the liaison office of ITU in New York, the Hangout “Innovate Your Future: Empower Young Women through Technology”, gathered a number of prominent panelists for a live discussion highlighting the potential of Information and Communication Technologies (ICTs) in advancing gender equality and in contributing to bridging the digital divide between women and men.

 In her capacity as Special Envoy and through her pioneering work at the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, Ms. Davis has become a powerful global voice on the importance of gender equality in media and the empowering potential of technology for women and girls. “The stark gender inequality in media aimed at children is of significant importance to our discussion on women and girls in ICTs, as TV and movies can yield enormous influence on young children as they are developing their idea of their role in society, and thinking about career choices,” Ms. Davis said in her acceptance speech as she was awarded the 2012 ITU World Telecommunication and Information Society Award last year.

Ms. Davis underscores the opportunities to empower women and girls using ICTs. “Improving media images is just one facet of empowering women and girls. Real and significant change in the status of women and girls is already underway and I believe ICT will lead the way toward equality,” she said.

In her capacity as Special Envoy, Ms. Davis is also promoting the ITU Tech Needs Girls campaign, a three-year initiative seeking to raise global awareness of the role ICTs can play in empowering women.

Other panelists joined Ms. Davis including Mr. Ahmad Alhendawi, the UN Secretary-General’s Envoy on Youth; Ms. Doreen Bogdan, Chief Strategic Planning and Membership, ITU; Ms. Stacy Martinet, Chief Marketing Officer, Mashable; and Ms. Blair Christie, Senior Vice-President, Government Affairs & Global Corporate Communications of Cisco.

In addition to discussing the role of media, other topics included the promotion of female participation in the ICT sector, establishing access through better infrastructure and the vital role of education, tapping into the potentials within this field. “Women’s access to ICTs and particularly broadband must be made a key pillar of the post-2015 global development agenda,” Dr. Hamadoun I. Touré, ITU Secretary-General and co-Vice Chair of the Commission, said as a new target was adopted by the UN Broadband Commission to get more women connected to ICTs, mandating ‘gender equality in broadband access by the year 2020’. Dr. Touré pointed to figures from ITU showing a clear ‘gender gap’ in access to technology. “We need to redress that imbalance to ensure that all people are empowered to take control of their own destinies through ICTs,” he said.

Innovate Your Future: Empower young women through technology

Friday, April 12, 2013

United Nation's CSW 57



IMG_2752



GIRLS’ TRIBUNAL ON VIOLENCE: BEARING WITNESS TO GIRLS’ ACTIVISM


On March 5th, during the UN’s 57th Commission on the Status of Women, the Loretto Community partnered with the Working Group on Girls to host the very first Girls’ Tribunal on Violence. This tribunal coincided with the priority theme of this year’s commission, which highlighted violence against women and girls.
It was both a challenge and feat of true progress to organize this tribunal of girls’ voices. Organizers brought together 9 girls from different nations to give their personal testimonies of real cases of violence which have impacted their lives.
In front of a panel of jurorists, these girls called for an acknowledgement of gender violence and real change. Sitting on the panel of jurorists and sharing the mutually exclusive goal of ending violence against girls was; Dan Seymour, UN Women’s Deputy Director of Programmes and former Chief of UNICEF’s Gender and Rights Unit, Faith Nenkai Metiaki, student activist at the University of Nairobi and a former UN youth Delegate to CSW, Prince Zeid R’ad Zeid Al-Hussein, permanent representative of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan to the United Nations and former Jordanian Ambassador to the United States, and Abigail Disney, filmmaker, philanthropist and activist based in NYC and producer of “Pray the Devil Back to Hell” and the PBS film
series “Women, War & Peace”
The Tribunal consisted of three panels focused on Media-based Violence, Violence in Schools and Violence in Communities. In the Media-based Violence case, witnesses, Emma and Annemarie, from the SPARK Summit gave testimony to the dangerous personal and societal impacts of highly sexualized and violent images of girls and girlhood in the media industry. In the case presentation and jurists’ comments and recommendations, the importance of media literacy was discussed and concrete examples of how to ‘talk back’ to the media were offered.
In the case of Violence in Schools, Arawela from PLAN Finland, Nicole from the Girls Scouts of the USA, and Angelica from the Feminist Task Force in El Salvador, witnessed various forms of violence they and their peers face in a school setting. They spoke out about how girls around the world are suffering from violence such as ethnic-based bullying in school, taking passive roles in dating relationships and being subordinated, and the rampancy of gang related sexual violence against girls in El Salvador. The witnesses shared their own stories of how they are working to alert other girls and bring changes to their peers, teachers, parents and communities to end both physical and psychological violence against girls.
The last case, Violence in Communities, was delivered by 4 girls of different backgrounds. Ussula from The Grail, Mozambique, Celia from Loretto Community, Mexico, Julia from Girls Learn International, USA, and Thais from The Grail, Brazil witnessed cases of violence against girls in their communities. Witnesses reported how they had undergone domestic violence, interpersonal, collective and structural violence in their communities, and deprivation of sexual rights for being LGBT.
As one of the witness, Celia, said “violence is everywhere”. Unfortunately Celia couldn’t attend the Girls Tribunal since her visa was rejected by the U.S. government, more concerned that she might find a way to stay in the U.S. permanently than with what she had to offer by her powerful testimony. Such select discrimation further proved Celia’s own words.
We all realize the importance and necessity of speaking out and making our voices heard. At this Tribunal girls did just that. They stood up and claimed their right to be protected from all violence and with empowered unity they declared that they would not stand for it any more – perpetrators of violence beware! It looks like the time of the
girl has finally come!
For photo of the event click here.

Sunday, March 3, 2013


Divided GOP helps pass Violence Against Women Act

POLITICS

House Majority Leader Eric CantorEnlarge Image
Associated Press/Photo by J. Scott Applewhite
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor
Despite opposition from conservatives, Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act today, approving $3.3 billion in new spending just hours before across-the-board spending cuts are set to take effect.
During his State of the Union address, President Barack Obama proclaimed the measure vital to the nation’s economy: “We know our economy is stronger when our wives, mothers, and daughters can live their lives free from … the fear of domestic violence,” he said.
Congress originally introduced the act in 1994, but it expired in 2011. Since then it stalled in the Senate as Republicans negotiated some of the fine print. Republicans presented a different version of the bill Feb. 22, but then backtracked four days later. The original bill passed 78-22. Republicans tried a similar substitution in the House, but to no avail. The measure passed the House 286-138 today and will now awaits the president’s signature.
The new version of the law authorizes $659 million a year over five years for transitional housing, legal assistance, law enforcement training and hotlines, reported Fox News. Although the bill is supposed to target women, these resources also are open to men, gays, and prison inmates. The bill also includes measures to improve abuse-awareness on college campuses and a measure to address human trafficking.
Proponents laud it as a progressive step in protecting abuse victims of all types, but critics warn the law is an unnecessary federal overreach, since states already have programs to address domestic violence. They also warn it is expensive and unproven.
“Simply expanding the VAWA framework with extensive new provisions and programs that have been inadequately assessed is sure to facilitate waste, fraud, and abuse and will not better protect women or victims of violence generally,” wrote Heritage Fellow David Muhlhausen last year.
Perhaps most contentiously, it also gives Native American tribal courts permission to try non-Indian American citizens in abuse cases involving female members of their tribes on tribal land. Paul Larkin, also from Heritage, warned the measure violates the Constitution on two points.
“It grants tribal judges authority to enter a final judgment of conviction in certain criminal cases even though tribal judges are not appointed by the President, the head of a department, or a court of law, as Article II requires,” he wrote. “[It also] grants tribal courts that authority even though tribal judges lack the life tenure and salary protection required by Article III.”
Republicans tried to delete the Native American provision and others, including measures giving undocumented abuse victims temporary visas and extending provisions to gays and lesbians. Democrats agreed to rescinded the immigration provision, but everything else remained.
Vice President Joe Biden congratulated Congress for passing the bill, especially thanking House Majority Leader Eric Cantor for not opposing the bill even though he could have, since a majority of the the House majority did not support it.
“This law has saved countless lives and transformed the way we treat victims of abuse,” echoed the president. He’s expected to sign the law into effect immediately.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Personal Narrative
-Anonymous

No matter what happened he always apologized. He was always sorry for the things he'd done and I was always quick to forgive him. I mean, a black eye hurt a lot less than a broken heart. It only went on for two years, but I know that what I experienced in those two years will stay with me forever.

We started dating in middle school. He was the one I would text late at night and hang out with on weekends. He said he loved me, that I was his everything and he would never let anything happen to me. He was my first boyfriend, and I believed every word he said.

Once eighth grade had ended and summer vacation rolled around, we started spending more time together. One day we were in the park, sitting in the grass and talking, when he pulled me close and began to touch me. I began to push him away, be he said, "This is what boyfriends and girlfriends do. Don't you love me?" So I let him.

Later on that summer we were hanging out near his house. He had his arm around my waist, and we sat with our feet in the lake behind his neighborhood. He started to kiss me and tried to take off my shirt. When I protested, he drew a pocket knife from his shorts pocket and held it up to my face. He told me that if I didn't do what he wanted, he'd cut me. I didn't believe him. After all, he said he'd never do anything to hurt me. You didn't hurt the person you loved. So when he tried again I began to push him off, and he dug the blade into my arm. I didn't know then that this would happen many more times in the future. When I pulled away, he said, "You're being stubborn. Let me do these things, they'll feel good." I didn't want to do them but at the same time I wanted to make him happy. So I let him.

By the end of the summer he owned me. I wore what he wanted me to. I ate less and less to make him happy. I didn't see many of my friends because it made him jealous. And we always did what he wanted to do, even if it wasn't comfortable with it. He called me names and said things that made me  uncomfortable. He pressured me into doing things. I didn't want to, telling me I didn't love him if I didn't.  And I still let him.

By the time we reached high school, I had learned to go along with everything he said. Although we went to different schools, he still controlled me through texts, and I had given up resisting him. If I did, he would "teach me manners," which was him beating me until I obeyed him. One day I was talking to my friend, who noticed I had bruises around my neck and around my wrist in the shape of fingerprints. She told me to tell a guidance counselor, and then begged me to call the police. I refused, saying I was fine and that is was nothing. Looking back I wish I had listened; it was the smartest advice anyone could have given me.

I was home alone one day when he surprised me with a visit. I let him in, and he told me he was moving the following week. I was shocked, wondering why he hadn't told me earlier. But I didn't know if I should be miserable or thrilled. He told me he would miss me, and wanted to make one last great memory. He led me upstairs to my bedroom. I was nervous , and tried to distract him and small talk. He locked the door and sat next to me on my bed. "You know, I love you," he said. "And I will always love you." But I don't think you love me." When I told him I did, he laughed, and said I would do the things he wanted if I actually had feelings for him. I didn't know what to say, and just sat there. He started to kiss me, and before I could push him away he climbed on top of me and tried to take off my clothes. I told him "no" over and over and tried to push him off. I kicked and hit, until he became frustrated and got up off of me.  He yelled that I was a horrible girlfriend, and demanded I have sex with him. When I refused, he hit me in the face, and when I staggered back he pinned me against the wall. He held my arm behind me and slammed me into the wall. There was a crack, and I tried to keep the tears from falling as he pushed me onto the ground. He said he would be back, and stormed down the stairs and out the door. That was when I blacked out.

After that day, I had to fake and tell people that I had gotten my black eye and broken collar bone from an accident in sports. My friend, meanwhile, threatened to call the police and said I had to tell someone. I still refused, but I knew she was right.

Even after he was gone I thought about him every day. Everything reminded me of him, and I saw the marks he had left on me whenever I looked in the mirror. One day I found a bunch of pictures that had been taken in eighth grade, right before I started dating him. They showed a younger version of me, one who had a huge, sincere smile. I compared the pictures to what I saw in the mirror. The girl in the pictures didn't have a black eye and her arm wasn't in a sling. She didn't have bruises along her ribs or around her wrists and neck. She had no cuts from knife along her arms and legs. She was just a happy person goofing around with her friends. I suddenly wanted that back, the feeling of being my own person. I wanted to wear a smile that was genuine, not fabricated.

The next day at school, I went to the guidance counselor's office. I was shaking, but I knew he would be true to his word and come back. I told her about him, and she promised to help me. I suddenly couldn't figure out why I hadn't told someone right away. She helped me file a restraining order against him, and he hasn't been allowed to come near me since.